Focusing on These 4 Things Will Help You Achieve More Happiness in Life
Hint: They have nothing to do with how to make more money
Most people know by now that money doesn’t equal happiness. But if you take a good look around, it seems we’re all mostly still wondering what does.
Stress-related illness, depression and anxiety have become an epidemic in recent years. The pandemic and its fallout has certainly been a factor, but so has our smartphone and social-media addiction — and the FOMO and online bullying that go along with it.
Add to to that a steady stream of news about the worst that humanity has to offer pummeling us from our ubiquitous screens, and it’s easy to understand why we struggle to find that elusive happiness these days.
The overall stress of being human is a lot to handle even for people who have a natural tendency to lightheartedness. So it’s beyond overwhelming for those of us who are a bit more sensitive and drawn to the dark side, whether by nature or because of previous trauma — or some combination of both.
I’m one of the latter, and have been open about my mental-health struggles. But in the last several years, I’ve learned a few things about achieving a level of contentment in life that I didn’t think was ever possible.
From my humble experience, I’ve concluded that there are four key aspects to life that everyone should prioritize and nurture to achieve more happiness in their every-day life. I use them as pillars of a therapeutic writing program that I call The Transformative Life, which I offer as part of my Mermaid Mentoring personal improvement and coaching business.
These aspects are quite simple and straightforward, and things that all of us can easily put a little extra focus on without making dramatic or significant life changes.
And guess what? None of them have to do with money.
#1: Wellness, including Physical, Mental and Spiritual Health
I’m lucky that I live in a humble village on the southwest coast of Portugal, and the freelance nature of my work (and the fact that I have no children), allows me to create and manage my own schedule, allowing for quality free time.
This is not to say I’m without responsibilities — clients, my partner, dogs, family concerns, community and other personal commitments and interests demand my time and energy. But my lifestyle does allow me to pay attention to something that I think many people neglect because of the busyness of their schedules: their own overall wellness.
Wellness isn’t just exercising for 20 minutes five times a week, eating your vegetables and taking your vitamins. Those are aspects of it, but I believe that wellness is something that includes not just the physical body, but the mind and also that ephemeral thing we call “soul.”
This means that wellness has physical, mental and spiritual aspects, and all three must be considered and supported to gain an overall feeling of health and well-being.
Physical wellness is obvious — eating right, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, not drinking too much alcohol etc.
Mental, as we all know, can be a tough battle, but there is a lot more awareness of people’s struggles with mental health these days. It’s no longer a taboo subject like it once was, and there are plenty of resources for people to get this type of help if they need it, even on a limited financial budget.
Spiritual health is a bit of an abstract idea, and I personally don’t subscribe to any particular creed or religion. What you believe also is none of my business.
However, I think having some sort of spiritual life is essential to overall happiness, because it helps us to connect to something greater than ourselves and feel as if there is value to living even when times are tough.
So whatever you believe — as long as it helps you feel as if you have a purpose to be here on this earth, an obligation to do as little harm to other living beings as possible, and that there is someone or somewhere out there who has your back — counts to me as a healthy spiritual life.
If you can find a balance between all of these aspects of wellness by even minimal commitment to each one of them every day, I think you’ll be on your way to a greater sense of peace and well-being.
#2: Intuition
For many this topic can be a bit squishy or woo-woo, but science has proven that there is a reason we talk about our “gut” instinct — and thus should learn to trust it.
There are two layers of more than 100 million nerve cells in our gastrointestinal tract that form what’s called our “enteric nervous system,” which is considered a “second brain” by scientists.
Our intuition comes from there, and often manifests in either a twinge in our stomach of some voice coming from within that something is “on” or, more often, “off” about a person or situation.
How many times have we felt that a person or a situation or a job wasn’t quite right for us, but we went full steam ahead into it? And then when it didn’t work out, we realized after some self-reflection that we ignored red flags in the beginning and our own intuition telling us that we should pass this one, which might have saved us a lot of stress or heartache — or both.
The problem is, while many of us are connected to our intuition and can even recognize it when it is trying to tell us something, we often don’t trust ourselves enough to listen to it.
This trust is something we need to cultivate as part of a healthy relationship to ourselves, because it can help steer us in the right direction and help us make better decisions in our lives. This, naturally, leads us to more happiness.
#3: Nature, and Our Connection to It
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that we as human beings have overwhelmingly lost our connection to nature. We weren’t meant to live crowded together in cement and glass boxes in cities surrounded by busy streets full of loud and smoke-sputtering machines.
There are nearly 8 billion people in the world and many of them live in crowded urban areas without anything natural growing around them. Moreover, even though they live among others, they have little authentic connection to many of the people they encounter during the day. It’s no wonder we are so freaking depressed.
I would venture to guess that many people who are depressed, especially if they live in a city or urban area, have little opportunity to spend time outside in a quiet place away from other people just to listen to the sound of stillness and let their inner voices be heard. And to me that’s a real shame.
Connecting with nature doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or require that you seek out the deepest, densest forest to commune with trees. You don’t have to go on some crazy adventure trip out into the wilderness or paddle out well beyond your depth into ocean waves.
It can be as simple as going out to your backyard and walking in the grass barefoot. Or sitting on a park bench listening to the ambient sounds of your surroundings without scrolling through your Instagram feed. It can even be hanging out with your houseplant for a few minutes each day if you live in a city apartment.
Connecting with nature is also connected to the spiritual wellness that I mention above. It helps us connect to something greater and more infinite than us, which is both transcendent and humbling. It helps ground us into our lives but also offers us a glimpse of something greater. These feelings together can provide a deeper sense of gratitude for our lives.
#4: Relationships: With Ourselves, Our Partner and Family, and Our Friends and Community
Anyone who has achieved a lot of money or fame in this life will tell you that it’s nothing if they don’t have anyone to share it with. Everyone wants someone to love, even if it’s just a pet (which I wholeheartedly believe should be included in the “family” category).
Fostering healthy and lasting relationships in life is a priority for feeling emotionally safe and secure, and an integral part of developing a sense of community — which anthropologists will tell you is the key to why societies survive and thrive.
Even if you are focused more on your job or your business endeavors than having a social life, it’s well known that relationships are the key to winning at that game, too. Personally, every job or freelance gig I’ve ever had in my life has been born out of a connection I had with someone and the reputation I earned with that person.
Of course, one of the most important relationships we can nurture and feed is the one we have with ourselves. In fact, sometimes it’s this complex relationship that can hold us back from being truly free to be authentically ourselves, which ultimately leads to more happiness.
If you find yourself struggling in your external relationships, take a look inside and see how you feel about yourself. If it’s not so great, work on that in whatever way that can help you treat yourself with more loving kindness and compassion. This may require the help of a mental-health professional or spiritual mentor, and/or practices like meditation or some kind of wellness routine.
Once you get your own house in order, it won’t be long before you’ll find that you relate to everyone in a new, better way. This can help you achieve more balance and harmony in ties to your partner, family, friends, and even random people you encounter in your every-day life. And — you guessed it — this will all help you live a happier life.