Whenever Possible, Choose Joy
In these troubled times, you may feel guilt for being happy. But you shouldn’t. Here’s a simple practice to help you stay positive.
There are many reasons we can find to be a bit sad, depressed or even downright miserable right now.
I don’t need to list them, but I will anyway: war and devastation in Ukraine; the lingering pandemic and its continued economic, social and psychological fallout; global warming; increased gun violence; and overall price inflation that’s at its highest in 40 years.
If you’re finding it hard to drag yourself out of bed every morning and face even more of the misery and fear porn splashed across your news feed every day, you’re not alone.
But I’m here, however, to propose a more radical idea: Choose joy.
Much of the suffering we worry about both is, and is not, our suffering. Though things may be getting tougher to manage existentially and financially for many, I bet that also, for many, they can find at least one or two basic things to be grateful for every day. Healthy children. A roof over their heads. A spouse who loves them. A passion or hobby they enjoy.
As living beings we are all connected and of course feel the collective human suffering of all. It’s perfectly natural to feel sad when we witness it, and we should do all we can to take appropriate actions to help alleviate it.
But to choose to be unpleasant and to spread the same negativity that appears to reflect the overall situation of the world is a cop out.
To feel depressed every day because people are suffering in Ukraine or that multinational corporations continue to exploit the world’s natural resources for profit isn’t going to change the state of things.
We all know someone (or maybe even a few people) who chooses every opportunity they can to be miserable. Someone with so much fear that he or she chooses to take every global problem personally and use it to make themselves sick with worry and grief.
I understand these people, and I feel a lot of compassion for them. They do genuinely suffer, typically, from crippling anxiety or another type of mental anguish or even chronic illness. They have likely suffered trauma.
I know this because my mother was one of these people, and I watched it prevent her from living a truly happy life. I also used to be one of these people, until I took control of my mental health and changed the course of my life.
While the problems of the world are certainly troubling, they shouldn’t stop us from being happy in our individual lives. In fact now, more than ever, we should do what lights us up, what inspires us, what gives us a sense of true purpose. And we shouldn’t feel at all guilty about it.
In fact, I think we who are fortunate to live relatively comfortable lives owe it to those who don’t to be as happy as we can within our own circumstances. That doesn’t mean we won’t have tough times that require sadness as an appropriate response. I, like all of us, have certainly been there.
But to choose to be grateful for the positive aspects of your life and find joy in even the smallest of moments is part of being the change you want to see in the world. This is not to say you can’t honor others’ suffering; it just means you won’t be wallowing in it.
So choose joy. In small doses. In big doses. Wherever you can.
Choose to be grateful for even the tiniest pleasures or triumphs: that first cup of coffee, finding a frayed ten-dollar note in the pocket of a pair of pants, the first warm day of spring, your child’s laughter.
This may feel uncomfortable at first if you’re used to worry as a default setting. It may require shifting your perspective, changing some patterns of thought or behavior, or even grieving.
But as you slowly being to warm to this practice, you will begin to focus less on the negativity of the world at large and more on the positive aspects of your own life.
The problems of the world won’t disappear — and neither will yours — but you will be better able to handle them with grace, compassion and a more realistic perspective. You will feel lighter and more grateful for even the more minor of miracles in your life.
It may not be a cure for everything that ails us, but it’s a good start.